Walk

Walking back home from dropping the children off to kindergarten and school I was thinking. Thinking while I listened to James Blunt, and Dido. Sad thinking. I realized while I was thinking that everyone has left me in my life one way or another. Friends went to other cities for varying reasons - the main one being their families moved so they had to go too. Then family left too. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins that I had grown up with, even though we all lived in different parts of the country. Suddenly they were all gone. I was thinking sadly why that happened. I know my extended family haven't had anything to do with me because I spoke up about some abuse that was going on, and boy did I open a can of worms there! Now the worms are nicely back in the can and I am left alone to deal with what life serves up. I haven't managed to make any new friends for myself in the last ten years. I speak to Hubby's mates and they are friends and everything, but they aren't people I can open up to about anything. Did I purposefully push these friends away without thinking about it, or was it out of my hands. Just beyond my fingertips taunting me to be lonely.

Over the last two years I have managed to gain about 20 kg in weight and I can only blame half of that on the medication I was on to try and help with my chest pain. The only thing that the meds did was make me gain weight. Now I'm out walking every morning for an hour, and trying to shake those kgs feels like living through my hellish childhood all over again. I'll do it though, 'cause I lived through that crap, I can get through this too.